I have been very busy my entire life. Busy surviving childhood; busy minding other people’s business; busy working long hours; busy going to school; busy falling in love, and busy being a mom to an amazing child. Not necessarily all in that order, and some more than once. I have done so much and have gathered so many stories and memories that I could talk for days and not repeat myself once. The issue at hand is that I have never made myself busy trying to figure out who or what I am beyond busy. I have no hobbies, and no bucket list, and with my son leaving to college in a few months and my husband planning his next writing project, I suddenly feel like I have an important project due and the deadline is fast approaching. The catch with this project is that I am the subject matter.
Freaking out about it has not helped. I tried. It was just exhausting and I got all sweaty. Denial was a bust, but I rather just forget about that. Fear, now Fear is huge and it has kept me down so many times that trying to figure myself out has been like getting into a fight with Ronda Rousey when I could not tell my left from my right. However, this time around I have decided to use Fear as fuel to keep moving through the barricades I have put around myself and remain restless only in the pursuit of self-awareness. (Damn! That sounded nice! Look at me “pursuit-ing” and shit.) So here I am, fueled up the yin-yang and ready to share my (and hopefully read from others sharing their) undertaking.
I have determined a few components that, I hope, will help me expand my world, my understanding, and help my offbeat, sometimes crooked, sense of humor come out and play more often. Each component has its own tab and each one has a short introduction of what they are.
I honestly hope you join me on this trip and share with me anything you feel you can relate to even if it’s based on a different experience. Emotions are funny that way. They might take different flights to get to their destinations, but they always get to where they need to get looking just about the same for wear. C’mon. Let’s have fun with this.
Maria Soledad~